Incompetent Chef

I can't cook; if you can't either, these easy recipes are for you!

Simple & straightforward, with no cookery jargon or expensive gadgets.

Oh, and I'm vegan, so all my recipes are too. :)

Kathleen & guests,
Incompetent Chef

PS If you'd like to write for Incompetent Chef & you have pretty simple vegan recipes, please do get in touch!

PPS I write mini reviews of vegan cake too, follow me on Twitter!.

Review: Gluten-free pancake mix, vegan-friendly too!
Lately the recipes here have been rather lacking in incompetence, due to guest blogger Andy who can actually cook, so I’m rectifying the balance with this ‘I made this using a mix I bought from a shop’ post.
I bought this mix - Orgran’s Buckwheat Pancake Mix - ages ago from Wholefoods Market in Kensington and didn’t make it because I lack confidence when it comes to cooking and thought it would be beyond me. It’s Shrove Tuesday / Pancake Day today & I decided to give it a go.
I followed the recipe, except I didn’t measure anything accurately because I don’t have a measuring jug.
I guesstimated & it turned out really well, so don’t worry if you have to guess too!
More photos in my Flickr set - Pancaking.

Review: Gluten-free pancake mix, vegan-friendly too!

Lately the recipes here have been rather lacking in incompetence, due to guest blogger Andy who can actually cook, so I’m rectifying the balance with this ‘I made this using a mix I bought from a shop’ post.

I bought this mix - Orgran’s Buckwheat Pancake Mix - ages ago from Wholefoods Market in Kensington and didn’t make it because I lack confidence when it comes to cooking and thought it would be beyond me. It’s Shrove Tuesday / Pancake Day today & I decided to give it a go.

I followed the recipe, except I didn’t measure anything accurately because I don’t have a measuring jug.

I guesstimated & it turned out really well, so don’t worry if you have to guess too!

More photos in my Flickr set - Pancaking.

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Spicy Potato and Spinach Curry Thing

by askandy

Get these things:

  • 800g potatoes (such as Red Rascal), peeled, cut into 4cm pieces
  • Olive oil
  • 1 large shallot
  • 2 garlic cloves, crushed
  • 1 fresh long green chilli
  • 1 tsp garam masala (ed. apparently this is “just a spice; you can get it anywhere”)
  • 1 tsp ground cumin
  • Tomatoes
  • 150g baby spinach leaves
  • Crushed walnuts to serve

Now the great thing about this dish, apart from its rich, spicy flavours is that because it have lots of potatoes in you don’t need to have rice too unless you really want to. Its a one potter.

So first up, do your prep, get everything peeled, sliced and crush up the herbs and some oil.

Now get the potatoes on in some water and bring to the boils, give them about 4 mins just to soften them a bit and release some of that starch. Drain them and set aside.

In the same pot heat the oil / herb mixture, get it nice and hot. But be careful, the spices can burn fairly easily, so keep it moving and don’t blast it. Now get the shallots in and cook until they start to change colour, but don’t brown them, god no. About 4 mins.


Now get the tomatoes in, give them a blast, add the potatoes and brown the whole thing up a bit.

Its spinach time. First give it a good old wash (unless of course you are fancy and got the pre washed stuff from St Michaels). Don’t skimp here or you will end up with grit in your curry.

Add the spinach to the pot, slop in a little water, cover it and lets leave it for 15 mins.

OK

Give it a big old stir up, into a bowl and sprinkle with a nice amount of chopped walnuts.

Put Family Fortunes on the telly and Eat it.

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Hot Keeeeeen Waaaaah Risotto

by askandy

Ocado delivered Quinoa (pronounced KEEN-wah) as a replacement for brown rice a week or so ago, so I had to first figure out what it is and then what to do with it. Turns out it was big with the Incas, who held the crop to be sacred, referred to quinoa as “chisaya mama” or “mother of all grains”, and it was the Inca emperor who would traditionally sow the first seeds of the season using ‘golden implements’

So sounds like pretty cool stuff. So to keep with the health side of it I decided to try something vegan with it.

What you need.

  • Mug of the mother of all grains.
  • Large medium onion
  • Large carrot
  • Some mushrooms
  • Red pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Birds Eye Chilies
  • Chili powder
  • Garlic
  • Cumin Seeds
  • Ground Coriander
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Tomato puree
  • Peas
  • water
  • Fresh Coriander
  • Some more hot pepper sauce

First off, wash the quinoa, seemingly it has a bitter coating of some kind that need to be got rid of. So wash it well.

Now, smash up all the spices, the garlic and some oil in a P and M.

Now heat the spice mixture in a big pan, and get the onions cooking for a couple of mins (go easy, don’t burn them) , now get your carrots, mushrooms and pepper in there, another couple of mins please.

Right, stick the grain in, make sure you mix it up good so its covered in oil (add more if you need) , give it another couple of mins. Now squirt some tomato puree in, add 2 mugs of water, mix it, bring to the boil and simmer for 15 mins, stirring occasionally and add a little more water if you need to. Towards the end, mix in the peas.

After 15, remove from heat, give it a good old stir, cover and let it sit for 5 mins or so.

Now stir in some chopped coriander.

Taste and add hot sauce if you want to.

Done.

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Over 100 vegan recipes by Gareth, Hipo Hyfryd

by inspirewithhope

Gareth Blake, of Hipo Hyfryd, is lovely (I’ve met them) & makes the most amazing vegan truffles.

I just realised both their recipe books are available free online:

The Voluptuous Vole
The Happy Hippo

I guess I’ll have to make some of them now…! :)

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I searched for vegan & found this (see above for video)! You need a blender & ice-cream maker though, boo!

Now I want a bread machine so I can make these… Chewy Breadmachine Cinnamon Raisin Bagels

Ooh, and a steamer for this: Spicy Italian Vegetarian Sausage Sounds yummy. (Garbanzo == chickpeas, by the way).

Om nom nom!

Many thanks to andyjohnsonbeta for recommending I’m Cooked!

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14 January 2009, lunch

3 apples
3 tangerines

Wash apples. Put fruit on plate. Peel tangerines.

Consume!

14 January 2009, lunch

3 apples
3 tangerines

Wash apples. Put fruit on plate. Peel tangerines.

Consume!

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13 January 2009, breakfast-brunch

Really easy meal; as well as the ingredients you need a microwave, a microwaveable bowl & a microwaveable plate to use as a cover - or an actual cover if you’re better-equipped than I am :)

- Chop up broccoli, wash, put in bowl with a little bit of water (no need to fill); cover, put in microwave for 2-3 mins
- Wipe mushrooms, chop up into roughly even pieces (you can do them whole if you like them a bit less cooked, or adjust time), microwave for 1.5-2 mins. No need to add water - mushrooms are very moist!
- Wash bell pepper (I chose an orange one as they are sweeter), chop up, microwave for 30 seconds
- Baked beans (small tin or half a big tin), microwave for 1.5 mins
- Wholemeal roll, microwave for 20 seconds, cut in half & add sunflower or soya spread

You could put the broccoli in first, wash & chop the pepper & add it for the last 30 seconds, then do the mushrooms, then the beans. That’s what I did.

Yum!

13 January 2009, breakfast-brunch

Really easy meal; as well as the ingredients you need a microwave, a microwaveable bowl & a microwaveable plate to use as a cover - or an actual cover if you’re better-equipped than I am :)

- Chop up broccoli, wash, put in bowl with a little bit of water (no need to fill); cover, put in microwave for 2-3 mins
- Wipe mushrooms, chop up into roughly even pieces (you can do them whole if you like them a bit less cooked, or adjust time), microwave for 1.5-2 mins. No need to add water - mushrooms are very moist!
- Wash bell pepper (I chose an orange one as they are sweeter), chop up, microwave for 30 seconds
- Baked beans (small tin or half a big tin), microwave for 1.5 mins
- Wholemeal roll, microwave for 20 seconds, cut in half & add sunflower or soya spread

You could put the broccoli in first, wash & chop the pepper & add it for the last 30 seconds, then do the mushrooms, then the beans. That’s what I did.

Yum!

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I bought some wholemeal finger rolls half price, woo!
Grilled two veg sausages (Linda McCartney)Sliced the rolls in halfSpread with homemade guacamole (end of the third batch, very spicy!) & tomato sauceSliced the veg sausages in half & stuffed those inOh, and some raw spinach. Yum!

I bought some wholemeal finger rolls half price, woo!

Grilled two veg sausages (Linda McCartney)
Sliced the rolls in half
Spread with homemade guacamole (end of the third batch, very spicy!) & tomato sauce
Sliced the veg sausages in half & stuffed those in
Oh, and some raw spinach. Yum!

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How to roast stuff - an idiots' guide by an idiot :)

by inspirewithhope

1. Wash

2. Slice up - similar sizes is a good idea to ensure it cooks at the same time

3. Stick in oven on fairly high heat (two-thirds of the dial hot :) so Gas Mark 6 or 7)

4. Leave in oven

5. Occasionally look at

6. Remove when brown on outside & soft on inside (poke with a fork to check)

Remember…

Use oven gloves

Some things take a lot longer than other things - root vegetables like carrots, potatoes etc take ages. (Although I like my carrots crunchy). Potatoes might need, say, half an hour whilst mushrooms might need 10 minutes. Experiment. Keep looking & smelling.

Good luck!

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Wrap 2 (ta-da!): Roasted (lightly) red peppers (1/2), roasted mushrooms & roasted cherry tomatoes, squeezed (3) - not as nice as Wrap 1, but still yum

Wrap 2 (ta-da!): Roasted (lightly) red peppers (1/2), roasted mushrooms & roasted cherry tomatoes, squeezed (3) - not as nice as Wrap 1, but still yum

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